"Incomplete" Idiots...

I fucking hate the backstreet boys, and so does everybody else. But why? Ask anybody and they'll tell you that it's because they're "so gay lol, LMAO." I think it goes a little bit further than that. It's because they're the essence of closet gays who would love to finger each other's perfumed and exfoliated buttholes, but settle for homosexual innuendoes in their new music video. In other words they not just gay, they're gay wimps. Why do some people still believe they like women? It's like those WWF panty-sniffers who still think that The Rock really wins his fights because of his outstanding combat skills.



Look at this guy. He's just some scary black guy whose balls have been destroyed by steroids to the point that he prefers brutal rimjobs to regular sex. He's wearing leather, dammit! Not only is the World Wrestling Federation promoting racism, but they're encouraging brutal sex fetishes... freaks.

Anyway, back to the Backstreet Fags. I didnt think it was possible to sell a band composed exclusively of douchebags, but my theory has been disproved. Observe.



Here we have three Backass Boys hugging each other and exchanging tips on fellating each other's flaccid members. One can almost hear them saying "make sure to look in his eyes... hold it gently by the shaft." It gets worse though...



This is Nick. Nick is gay. Nick thinks it's cool to be retro. LOOK AT HIS HAIRCUT! He has the same haircut as the kid in Free Willy. IT WAS COOL IN THE 80's, you poop chute. You don't look like a pretty boy. You look like a first class rocket shiner, and that ring on your middle finger that makes you look like a big kid, while showing half of San Fransisco's population that you're available doesn't help. I'll bet you this guy waxes his face in order to protect it from the carnage induced by mainstream razors. I'm also willing to bet that he secretly paints his toenails.

Meet AJ.


AJ thinks that his piercings will hide the residual evidence of his manhandling of small dicks. WRONG! The aviator glasses need to go too. Kids are too educated to fall for that "I'm a cop, hop in my van" trick these days, AJ. You have to innovate if you want to touch young boys. Or you could just COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! Note the tiny butt plug disguised as a charm necklace. This further proves that AJ likes small chunks of meat. Actually, he once emailed me to tell me that he put Botox on his ass to make it suitable for his butt buddy's calliber.



WHAT IS SO FUNNY?! Are Nick, AJ, Howie, and Kevin's dicks that small and limp, or are you just excited to have the other four members of your group ejaculate on your eager face?

Dear Brian,
You can't sing. You dont look like you've been tricked by love, or that you love a girl. For the sake of mankind, stop trying, masturbate, and leave us alone. Also, those products you bought off of hot-male.com are shit. They aren't making you grow breasts, so stop checking their progress.
Sincerely,
Koko

P.S. Go play in a microwave.


Howie, Howie, Howie... why would you let anybody call you that? That is the ultimate gay wimp name. You're probably the wimpiest of all they Backdoor Boys. So wimpy, in fact, that you're showing AJ how many fingers to use so that he doesnt hurt you with his fist.

This guy's nose is something incredible, too. It's like the monolith in 2001: A Space Odessy. It's Long, Broad, and really narrow. I've never actually heard this guy talk but I'm sure that he has one of those wimpy nasal voices.



Everybody say hello to Kevin. This shit is scary. It's like Cathrine Zeta Jones in Pulp Fiction meets Che Guevara, meets an Yves St. Laurent fashion show. He's probably the enigmatic hot one that all the girls, and group members want to fellate, but can't because he has a vagina.

Good god, I hate the Backstreet Boys.



103,353,941 people still think that the Backstreet Boys are straight.